Always There
by copodenieve
Summary: DuringPost "The Proposal". Marissa's reflections on Luke.


**I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do  
Follow me there  
A beautiful somewhere  
A place that we can share  
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do**

She's always had him in her life.

The first time she met him was when she was four and her daddy needed to meet with his business partner. Her sister was still just a little girl and her daddy wanted his _big_ girl to come with him to meet the new family. Her daddy put her in the car and said that the family had a little boy who was just her age.

She was wearing a little white dress and her long hair was set in waves her mommy had put in. She was the perfect picturesque replica of a quiet little angel and when she first saw him, she curtsied as Newport children did. He looked a little baffled but bowed and his floppy blonde hair fell into his eyes and she giggle a little.

They were best friends.

She remembers how she and Luke used to spend the night at the house of the other. They'd cuddle with their stuffed animals and watch Disney movies before falling asleep. In the morning, they'd glance sleepily at each other and eat breakfast.

They did everything together.

He was the first person to teach her how to ride a bike. Her daddy was there too but he let the little boy take over his role for awhile as he videotaped his precious daughter. The tapes are at her house now and they used to watch them together, in the summers before. The sky was a perfect cerulean blue as the sun cast lights in her hair. The grin on her face matched his as his astonishment grew. "Mr. Cooper, I did it!" was combined with "Daddy, Daddy I'm riding a bike!" in the background as the camera shot ended.

Every single birthday she had involved him being there. For her fifth birthday, a few months after they'd met, he gave her a cute stuffed cat that she named Sassy after the cat in Homeward Bound. They watched that movie every day when they were five. She hugged him and the other little boys laughed at him, but he still hugged her back.

Right before her sixth birthday, they started kindergarten and even though she was scared, he was still her strong knight. He held her hand as they walked into the school together and both sets of parents clicked the camera shutter.

She has every single picture ever taken of them.

He does too, actually. She used to love to go to his room because it was history. _Their_ history. Summers, picnics, parties, birthdays, trips, vacations, dances, carnivals, parks, families, mall shots, funny shots, happy shots, loving shots and so many more. Memories. One instant in time, captured in a blink of the eye.

They grew up together.

She remembers how she cried and cried and cried in first grade because they weren't in the same class and she knew her parents felt really bad but she was one of the "smart kids" and had to go to the gifted class instead. The remaining days of summer were almost unbearable because she was afraid to be without him. All the trips to the country club's swimming pool didn't lessen her fear.

But then he walked in the classroom too and she looked puzzled until she felt her mom's hand guiding her to her teacher as she explained that Luke was special too and the class was only for special kids like her and Luke. She was so happy she hugged her mom and wrinkled her pretty pink dress as the kids went to play with the blocks.

He met other boys in the later years of elementary school and she met Summer and the other California perfect girls. Still, though, they _never_ were not friends. Everyone always said that where one was, there the other was as well. It was true, too. They were closer than close. He knew everything about her. _Everything_.

In second grade he kissed her for the first time, dead center on the lips. She screamed at him for having cooties and then ran away with Summer. He stopped talking to her for a week because the boys told him to until he went to her house and saw her crying in the tree house they had built together. He apologized meekly and gave her a dandelion as she wiped her eyes and invited him inside for lemonade.

The first time he ever saw her cry was three days after they met. She had been chasing him in her spacious backyard when she tripped and the impact caused tears. He had looked alarmed but then protective as he rushed over to her and helped her up. "Rissa, don't cry! I'll always be here to help you up."

He always was.

And in third grade she got taller and where the other girls were blonde and petite, she was tall when beautifully brown hair. He always said she was beautiful. He always knew what to say. She always felt self-conscious and tried to slouch whenever she was around a boy. He always tried to get her to be confidant and sometimes she'd appease him. Usually, though, she just lowered her shoulders and pouted until he stopped trying to get her to be proud of her height.

Their families adored each other. Her dad and mom always talked to his and mentioned things like marriage and future grandchildren and being in-laws. They always rolled their eyes, even when her grandpa told Luke he could get half his millions if he married his granddaughter. They were nine then and it seemed a lot funnier after Luke wrinkled his nose and said he was going to make millions playing football and the oldest Cooper said he would only be good at sports like water polo and soccer.

In fourth grade they actually started "going together" which meant they held hands on the bus and hung out together. So really, it was just like a best friend who you liked a little extra. They wrote notes together too. She kept a box full of all the letters, cards, conversations via paper from a classroom, little notes in her locker, etc.

She was up to fifteen, ranging from her first birthday card to her last note saying "Hey babe! I hope we're on for tonight. I love you!"

They didn't kiss again until fifth grade, at a party Summer held. They played Spin the Bottle and she was upset because Luke kept getting other girls and not her. He finally picked the bottle up and just put it in front of her and then kissed her. The other girls were jealous as they sighed at the romanticism.

She trusted him.

More than her dad, mom, sister, aunts, uncles, friends. He was the ONE person she could depend on to always be there.

When her grandpa died that year, her heart broke a little. She didn't call Luke, didn't talk to her family, just went upstairs and cried for hours. She fell asleep with tears in her eyes and when she woke up Luke was sitting next to her bed sleeping. She felt sad then, as she brushed back his beautiful hair. He protected her from everything. He told her that her pain was his and he would carry hers whenever she needed him to.

At the funeral, he stood next to her with their hands clasped tightly together and that was the first time she ever thought he meant more to her than anyone else. It was scary.

She didn't ever want to need him more than he needed her.

When fifth grade ended, she started to worry about middle school and him leaving her. She couldn't remember life without him. Every memory she had involved a life with him. Christmases, Independence Days, Thanksgivings and even her little sister's kindergarten graduation.

He never left her.

She used to love running to him after class, feeling his arms envelop her tightly. They were perfect together. Everyone took pictures of them, year after year. They were the only winners of the "Best Couple" award. Ever. The first dance they went to in middle school was the Halloween party and they dressed as Topanga and Cory from Boy Meets World.

The days and months passed. They never broke up and hardly even fought. It was like, they'd been together since age four anyway. Now it was just the official beginning. The families were thrilled and put immense trust into the growing children.

Spring was her favorite season. In Newport, the flowers bloomed in vibrant reds and pinks and there was a slight scent of rain that never fell but made Newport beautiful and wonderful to be in. It was times like those that Newport felt like heaven. It really did. On the first day of April in eighth grade, the two were taking a walk. She marveled at their hands entwined. She always felt so small with him, so beautiful. She hadn't ever felt beautiful until she met him. Sure, she was the "Little Princess" her dad said she was, but Luke made her special.

He put her hair gently behind her ear and told her he loved her. She paused and then smiled because all of her dreams were coming true. She put her arms around his broad shoulders and whispered the same words he'd said. They stood on the street and hugged and hugged before he brought his lips down to meet hers.

It was love.

He used to buy her flowers. Not roses because although they were beautiful, she always felt like it was a sin to cut roses. Instead, he brought her lilies. Big, gorgeous lilies of violet and pure white. She kept them in her room and smelled them every day.

She used to buy him things too. She bought him a plain silver ring with "L&M" inscribed on it for their fourth anniversary. He never took it off. Even when it got too small, he wore it on a chain and she never saw him without it. He made sure of it.

There were so many days together.

She used to hear her friends discuss their current love interests and always felt so grateful to have Luke because their boyfriends treated them badly and they always ended up crying.

Luke was her prince.

All the love songs suddenly made sense and when her parents kissed, she no longer felt grossed out. She just sighed happily, thinking of her future with Luke. She imagined her cotillion, with him as her escort and her father smiling at him in anticipation of a wonderful marriage.

Forever was never just a word for her. It was something known, something possible, something taken for granted.

And then Ryan came to Newport and everything fell apart.

Luke was beautiful. His strong, big body that saved her from everything and his long, soft blonde hair that she loved putting her hands through. His physique was that of a basketball star's even though he played soccer instead. He was solid.

She remembers how it felt to watch Ryan and his mother and the Cohens leave the gambling party after Ryan's mom caused a scene. She loved Luke as she watched him help Dawn up, watched him watch the others leave with a helpless face. Her hand found his and the moment was precious.

When he was gone, Ryan saved her.

She wonders if Luke ever thought about their history together while he was with Holly. She wonders if it mattered to him. She wonders if he ever missed her, really. She wonders if he watches her and Ryan and cries.

Sometimes she wishes Ryan had never come to Newport. But then she doesn't because she loves him and even though he isn't Luke, he still makes her feel so unbelievably loved. He has never done anything against her and she isn't sorry she chose him.

She's just sorry that Luke is leaving and her first friend, her first love, her first boyfriend will never be back.

She understands why he's going and she hates her mother for it. Luke knows that too. Luke knows how she feels even when she doesn't. Ryan will someday as well.

She brushes back that hair she's always loved and breathes in the scent of him that she's loved since she was four. It's ending now and she knows that but she doesn't want to let go just yet. It hurts too much. Her eyes close as she thinks back on the years with this boy, with this boy who looks like he wants to cry right now and her heart breaks a little.

She whispers good-bye as she retreats and leans against the door outside. She doesn't know what Ryan is saying and she doesn't care. She's just so, so sad for Luke right now. Luke, who loved her first.

When Ryan comes and puts his arm around her, it doesn't feel quite right. That's okay though because she knows he loves her and she him. It'll be okay. Luke may be leaving, but she will be okay without him. Newport will be okay too...it's a new beginning for them both.

She'll just miss him so, so much.

Tomorrow she'll right Luke a letter and end it with something Summer shared with her once: Think about the love inside the strength of heart and think about the heroes saving life in the dark. Climbing higher through the fire as time was running out. Never knowing you weren't going to be coming down alive but you still came back for me. You were strong and you believed. It's okay to be angry and never let go, it just gets harder the more that you know. When you get lonely, if nobody's around, you know that I'll catch you when your falling down. We came together but you left alone and I know how it feels to walk out on you own. Maybe someday I will see you again and you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend.


End file.
